Orin Z.'s Profile

Quite busy at lunchtime, and not that much seating, but still quite a prompt turnaround to get your food. The windows facing the street are fully of pretty people, or pretty interesting people. The gyros ain't half bad, neither. And the fries, well, I didn't even know the Greeks could make 'em like this. All around, not a bad lunch choice at all.

Why do I always have to *describe* things? Why is it never enough to say "they have incredible sandwiches and are very friendly, I recommend the 174 if you like spicy roast beef?" Can't I just let simple pleasures be just that, simple? Couldn't I just admire the classic rock and the paintings by local artists and the little slice of civilization moored in the sea of hobos that smell very badly? I wish I could. I wish things were simple like that.

Kind of a test, this was. See, I hate Chicken Noodle Soup. Despise't. Comes from when I was a kid and was sick then got food poisoning from some damned soup-for-the-soul. That'll knock you off that habit early.

Anypuke, I figured that--since one of a primary objectives here in early 21st century western America is to experience novelty--I might give the old saw a little whine. Pho Ga, #9, seems to be the default get-it-while-it-lasts order of choice. I was skeptical at first... all these years later and still, the chicken bits make me see green... but through persistence of will and refined noodle-trapping skills, I have to say... we have a winner.

If you, like I, must overcome a debilitating Chicken Noodle Soup revulsion, I can strongly recommend Turtle Tower. You can thank me in advance.

(four stars on account that--hey, this is soup we're talking here, not Chicken  la King  la Mode)

Oh, I liked it while I was there. Good sandwich for the money... it's hard to beat $2.50, after all. I was ready to give it four stars--decent place.

Then I pooped green.

And this isn't just "hmm, I paid only $2.50 for a sandwich earlier today and then I had some questionable fecum." This is "oh my god, it doesn't smell like poop, it smells like sandwich... it looks like FOREST GREEN sandwich innards... I just crapped sandwich."

The novelty-seeking part of me wants to give 'em a 5 simply for that color. Amazing, really. Every other part of me... doesn't.

The best burger in Hayes Velley; the worst music in the world. Almost 5 stars, and the garlic fries are excellent, too... but just so you know, there IS a camera on the second floor in case you and the other patrons are conspiring to mute KOIT. "Lite Rawk, Less Talk!" Kee-rhist. That's a 1-starrer. I comprimise on account of the fact that I understand some people might like hearing the early nineties hit "Beauty and the Beast" by Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson while trying to digest.

Eat good burger plug ear-holes.

Hmm... you are difficult to read.

On the one hand you make one mean burrito. Not many stock poblano, and even fewer stock cactus. Your Azteca burrito is awe-inspiring, like a Super burrito but edible by fork only. Spinach tortilla? Praise.

But... no, I'm just *asking* about the cactus burrito, I don't want to... no, no, poblano... ok, well I see now that you just dumped the burrito I wanted. I guess it's loud in here. This mixup does not bode well for your future.

Difficult. Three, or four?  One lost burrito does not a bad restaurant make. I'd edge on the side of caution, seeing as how the only reason I rejected this cactus I see out-of-hand is that it looked like week-old Chinese leftovers--soggy and faded. These are not good signs for your future.

These are not things that are, but things that might be... for you, at least.

Don't ever change, Warm Water.

Oops, too late. That's what we get for allowing one woman walking her dog to become "uncomfortable" with all the "defacement" in a public "park." Ceci n'est pas un park. Here's an idea, Random Whiner Who Caused This Place to be Whitewashed: if you want to move into a yuppie dorm (that was built by exploiting a legal loophole in an ordinance originally passed to give artists live/work spaces) please expect that converting portions of an INDUSTRIAL district will necessarily leave some places not well-suited for Ikea merchandise. Some of those places have been around for a long time and give the neighborhood a certain feel, and their unique existence is largely an accident.  A lot of people enjoy having them, while not too many enjoy having fewer parking spaces or dealing with stranger's dog crap or the ridiculous noise complaints from people living in an INDUSTRIAL district. Simply an observation; you are the trespasser, the true owners are the people who spraypaint this derelict patch of waterfront land. Perhaps the reason you're uncomfortable is that you don't belong.

Go ahead and change apartments, douchebags.

What wonderful food and service, worthy of five stars!

What a small, noisy space, befitting one. Settle in the middle.

Recommended for un-busy times, like weekdays. Not so much if you want to go there on a Saturday night. My elbows got flashbacks to less-than-preferred airplane seating. Not anyone's fault, just... damn. Between that and the family reunion happening two feet away, I'll take my *fantastic* Spinach Gnocchi in Tomato Sauce to-go next time, gratzi.

Top three reasons to enjoy the Swap:

1) GOOD RIDDANCE. I've brought in bags of clothes I wore in high school, pants from Old Navy and shirts two sizes too big, weird belts that make me wanna dress up like I did when I was 8, books like "The Return of the Jedi" in its original novelization, whole bags worth of thrift store finds that I really don't even think Salvation Army can appreciate (or wants, necessarily). But that's the point! What's not wanted by the lucust-like swarms becomes wanted again, by folks who could hopefully use them more than us, the more fashion-conscious. It's okay to be a style-whore--it's for a good cause. SwapSF is the highest level of the used clothing food chain; eventually my baggy Old Navy cargo pants will be sold by the pound (cause they're awful), end up somewhere in Africa, and be greatly appreciated by someone who'd otherwise be wearing goat-skins in 120 weather.

2) FREE SHIT. Seriously, no, free. Although I bring in a lotta junk, I take out a LOT MORE stuff that I totally want. Sure, trying things on can be problematic. Not exactly a changing room amongst the hordes, so often stuff just doesn't fit once at home... but hey, it gets brought back to the next swap. It happens. But the whole point is that all these clothes are new, and practically free. New to ME... old to some other poor sucker who gave 'em up.

3) CUTIES. Packed to the rafters with young, attractive people, many in various states of undress and dishevelment, sometimes randomly prompting for fashion advice, and often imbibing various liquors and lollipops of questionable constitution. Guess what? You too can be amongst them.

You know, sometimes I think writing good reviews isn't as productive as writing bad reviews, cause the bad reviews are just so much more... satisfying. And funny. Well, too bad.

Sure, they're in Marin. That's kind of a strike against them from the perspective of a cool young San Franciscan irked by Bridge-and-Tunnel infiltration into my own neighborhood, like Medjool. But what the hell, if they're invading I might as well invade them back. No hard feelings.

It's not so far a drive. You go through a little gorge and then a littler tunnel, a ONE WAY tunnel which has a 5-minute wait (or so the sign says... more like three, so hold your horns). Then you emerge into the oddest micro-community this this side of the Golden Gate. Well, the oddest I can dredge from recent memory anyways. Deers rest on front lawns, children's swings hang from ancient branches, and all the houses are identical military-issue shape, size, and color. Past that you will of course miss your turnoff down McCollough Road to do the scenic route and end up at the Visitor's Center. Nice place, but not sure I'd wanna live there. It was here I realized they'd converted an old Army church; I'd been here before, in this exact same building. But when I was in it before it was on old Fort Ord, and it was totally abandoned. Can't say which I liked more. Like the idea, though.

Then we got on with the part we came for... back down McCollough Road and onward to some awesome views and more old things. Views were good. Old things coulda been better. Open 'em up, people! They're not as dangerous as the building inspectors tell you they are. It's just a little rust. And a little shrapnel. Unexploded ordinance? Is there unexploded ordinance? You might wanna take care of that. I hear there's a couple leftover nuclear missile silos somewhere around here, and that's acceptable. Just chuck all the bad stuff in there and light the whole thing. Or, at the very least, let grownups like me sign a waiver or something saying "I promise not to sue the National Park Service if I can't find my left arm after exploring your park, etc. etc." I can deal with that. It's an annoyance having everything... well, most everything locked up. Didja know that the trail to Point Bonita lighthouse is closed a lotta the time? Yup. Big sign saying "Trail Closed" and a wide open trail just beyond it. Doesn't matter. There's more stuff to see.

Like the Marin Headlands hostel! Woo! I didn't really see it; I just drove by. It looks lovely though. There's lots of deer, of which there are lots. No, seriously--they outnumber you. Do not anger them, for they are legion. Hanging around bends and cliffs in some places are a couple lovely picnic areas overlooking a cornucopia of San Francisco skyline. However, the beach was calling. Moreso, sunset was calling since we didn't actually drive in until after 1:00pm. Nice beach, not crowded but well-endowed with beachgoers, plenty of parking and plenty clean. Can't really say as we didn't go out as far as Bird Island. Did you know that birds poop there? Well they do. And I suppose they'd make for some pretty good pictures, but I was too busy taking pictures of someone trying to do cartwheels in the fine sand, and getting my feet wet in the (considerably) more coarse sand down further toward the water. Then I made a zen garden: http://flickr.com/phot...

And the day was largely complete.